If you could change one of your past choices, change one decision that you made, what would it be?
I wish I'd never said yes to Ben.
Austin worried about you, because of the situation with your boyfriend, and made sure to talk to you, to try and persuade you to get out of a dangerous relationship. Do you have any intention of following Austin's advice? Of getting help before it's too late?
It’s already too late. I have no doubt in my mind that if I try to break up with Ben he’ll hurt me again, maybe even kill me this time. He’s threatened it before and I have no reason not to believe him. I stood up to him once—told him I was tired of his shit and that he better stop or I was going to call the cops. You know what he did? He laughed. Then he choked me to the point that I passed out. When I woke up he was leaning over me. Scared the hell out of me. I’ll never forget what he said. “Try to leave again and next time you won’t wake up.”
Austin spent a lot of time thinking about how he wanted to spend that weekend and you were definitely one of his priorities. Does knowing that trying to make sure you would be safe was one of his priorities make you more inclined to listen to his advice? What does knowing that mean to you?
Austin lost his right to care when he broke up with me. I mean, he comes over to my house with Kaylee? Things didn’t exactly end well between us. I was in love with him and he broke my heart. Just because he’s seeing the world through death glasses, doesn’t mean he has the right to butt in where he has no business.
How did you feel at the party, when Austin stepped in front of you?
I wanted to hit him. Such an idiot. He just made everything worse. I got a good beating after that party. One of the worst. Ben didn’t even bother to hit me in places that wouldn’t show like he normally does. I had a black eye, a swollen lip. I had to lie to my parents about what happened. If he wasn’t already dying, I might just kill him.
What would you say has been the defining moment or experience of your life so far?
Defining moment? I don’t have any defining moments. The only thing that defines me is Ben. He wouldn’t have it any other way.
Oh Julianna! It's never too late! This interview is breaking my heart, because I know that there are people who feel this way. So I'm going to take a moment here to just say- There is never such this as too late. Find people who you can talk to, who can help you. There are always options!